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Does George Bush Believe in Dragons?
Dana Williams
There's a few questions that have been burning in the back of my mind for awhile. I wonder if George Bush believes in the Tooth Fairy. And I've always wondered if he believes in unicorns. I'm just curious, of course. And, well, what about dragons? I wonder if he's ever considered the existence of dragons?

I know it's incredibly tough to believe in something without any proof. It's even tougher when most everyone in the world is telling you that you're delusional about your personal belief in far-out-things. I've gotta sympathize with how tough it must be for George.

But, you've got to admire his determination. He's like the little kid who stands in front of his parents, fists balled up, face a mask of concentration and conviction, convinced that there is a Santa Claus, and that his parents are trying to pull a fast one on him by saying he doesn't exist. Imagine that, Santa not existing! How insane!

Poor George. I have to resist the urge to comfort him and bring him down easy. To not let the ground fall out underneath him completely. Use a simple logical argument to convince him that, no, the Easter bunny did not come into his house last night and hide hard-boiled eggs throughout the home. But, poor George doesn't want to hear logical arguments. Even if he doesn't have any proof that the magical rabbit stopped by last night, he won't deny the possibility.

The unfortunate thing is that while poor George is ranting and raving about his inner-conviction about the existence of the Yeti Monster (and probably the Loch Ness Monster, too), he seems more concerned with the possibility than all the evidence that has come from probing, observing, and experimenting that shows no evidence for the hairy beast. He's just positive that it exists... why wouldn't it exist, right? Fairy tales, mythology, and stories from drunk mountain men couldn't possibly be wrong, right?

It's almost as if poor, poor, sorry George wants there to be an alien invasion imminent. Even though that would be horrible things for the future of the planet, world peace, and to say nothing of the possibility of vast human death, he just seems to think that they are out there, lurking behind the dark side of the moon. Who would want an alien invasion, George, they ask him? It doesn't matter, of course, George is convinced that it's going to happen (and if it they really aren't out there, he'll make sure he can come up with a good excuse to nuke the moon anyway).

Today, however, there's a lot of attention on George's claims about the existence of a present-day dinosaur. He thinks that bad men (or just one bad man) have been hiding its existence from him. Thus, he's on a Crusade to slay the horrible lizard (whether it exists or not). But, we've gotta give George credit, he's right-- there used to be dinosaurs. Although paleontologists say they don't exist anymore, George is right about the past. But, he thinks that it's possible that some of those dinosaurs snuck past the piercing exploration of paleontologists. Those scientists are saying that George is nuts, but the media seems to want to believe him. The American people are getting suckered into believing him. The media tries to console the public with headline after headline: “Bush convinced dinosaurs exist, threatens swift action against the dinosaur concealers”.

Well, this whole wild imagination of George is making him the laughingstock of the playground. Doesn't he realize it's time to grow up and join the adult world? A world where proof, evidence, and logic carry a lot more water than a “funny feeling” and your dad's word.

Let's face it, if there were really dinosaurs out there, it'd be be pretty scary, and we'd want to consider doing something about it. But, then again, isn't Washington D.C. filled with dinosaurs? The US is a spectacular dino-dig-site! Maybe George was right after all, but he was just looking in the wrong backyard. Where's an asteroid when you need one?

02/22/03